Parenting Police Language

Parenting Police Language
Written by Stephen Altrogge

Parents and police have a lot in common. Both have to contend with individuals who do strange and random things. Both see the value in donuts (I’m sure the donut thing is a police stereotype, but work with me). Both are skilled in the art of negotiating.

But the police have one distinct advantage over parents: lots of code words. When something big “goes down” (that’s police lingo for “happens”), a police man can grab his radio and scream something like, “We’ve got a 115 in progress. We need back up immediately!” The police can communicate a lot of important information to each other through a simple number system.

As far as I know, unless someone has really been holding out on me, we parents don’t have any sort of universal code language for communicating with each other. The other night, Jen was giving our girls a bath when I suddenly heard her saying, “Oh no! Charis, stand up, quick!” Then lots of screaming and laughing. Now, because of past experience, I knew right away what had happened: Ella, our adorable one year old, had pooped in the tub. I quickly ran in to the bathroom and was able to lend my assistance.

But what if this had been my first encounter with poop in the tub? I wouldn’t have known what what was happening, and I wouldn’t have known what to do, and I might have frozen with terror and panic. Things could have gotten real bad. Real fast. That’s why I’m proposing that we, as parents, create a universal number system to be used in parenting.

For example, a 503 would be code for “Turd in the tub, send backup.” A 115 would be code for, “Empty juice cup, potentially volatile child”. A 111 would be code for, “Domestic disturbance, stuffed monkey involved”. A 914 would be code for, “Child armed with permanent marker, proceed with caution”.

Do you see how useful this would be? This simple number system could literally revolutionize parenting!

So what do you think? Am I on to something?

WORRY...PASSING THE TORCH

Is there a magic cutoff period when Offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in The lives of their children and shrug, 'It's their life,' and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few Stitches in my daughter's head. I asked, 'When do you stop worrying?' The nurse said, 'When they get out of the accident stage.' My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher said, 'Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, 'they're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it. My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my dad's warm smile and his occasional, 'You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are You depressed about something?'

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, 'Where were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried.' I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.

PARENTS WISH

February 19, 2009

 Today is the birthday of our youngest, Jimmy Max “Jim” Youngblood Jr. He is forty three.  Now I’m feeling older.

Carolyn and I along with Virginia and Debbie met him at Top China Buffet in Hoover for lunch.  This was impromtu. We tried to reach Kathy to join us.  We had a great lunch and a good-time together for an hour or more.  For those who do not know, we have four children, Virginia, Kathyrn, Deborah and Jimmy.

 Jimmy went back to work and I rode along with the others as they shopped.  We left the house at ll: 30 AM and returned home about 4:00 PM.  Those kinds of trips make me tired but it was worth it.

 My sister, Sarah Pauline “Polly” Youngblood Klaesen, called me yesterday.  We had a long enjoyable conversation.  If you have an extra car or computer she could sure use both.  She hit a deer with her car and totaled it.  Her computer crashed. 

 She told me that out other sister, Patricia “Pat” Ann Youngblood Gann, had moved in with her daughter Suzanne. She recently had knee surgery.

 A friend sent me a video called “Parents Wish.  It is set to the music of Josh Groban singing “You Raise Me Up”.  Carolyn and I watched it.  We both felt a little sad but grateful for our four children.  Each one of them takes care of us and shows their love in different ways.

 I realized, ‘Hey, that’s me’.  I’ll be seventy-five this year.

Above all I believe that God is in control of all that happens to you and to me. I don’t always understand why things happen as they do or when they do, but with Job I say, “Yea tho’ He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

 Click below:

 http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html

Dadgum, I just clicked on it again to make sure it worked and tears welled up. Sorry bout that.   Max

 

First Grade Children

A 1st grade school teacher presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses

until they stop running.

2. Strike while the

bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before

Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of

termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but

How?

6. Don't bite the hand that

looks dirty.

7. No news is

impossible

8. A miss is as good as a

Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new

Math

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll

stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust

Me.

12. The pen is mightier than the

pigs.

13. An idle mind is

the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's

pollution.

15. Happy the bride who

gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is

not much.

17. Two's company, three's

the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what

you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and

You have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as

Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not

spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed

get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you

See in the picture on the box

24. When the blind lead the blind

get out of the way.

25. A bird in the hand

is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

26. Better late than

Pregnant !

Callie & Virginia-March 2008

Virginia with her neice, Callie Rae Cox.