YOUR TIME IS COMING

When you wake up in the morning, push your elbows out away from your body. If you don't strike wood, you haven't been buried yet.

When you wake up in the morning and nothing hurts, you will know you are dead.

When you wake up in the morning and can get out of bed by yourself, it's the beginning of a GREAT day.

Then check the obituaries in the morning newspaper and, if your name isn't there, get dressed.

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark. ..One : Don't miss the boat. Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four : Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six : Build your future on high ground. Seven : For safety  sake, travel in pairs.Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Nine : When you're stressed, float a while. Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

DON'T WORRY

TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET

SOCIALISM